I AM MAN!!!
You may ask yourself what you are looking at in the above picture, let me tell you...that's what 100% saturated manliness looks like. Ya that's right, I cut down that shit my bare hands!!! Well my bare hands wielding a finely sharpened axe but you get my point. That point being of course that I have a beard and I cut down not only one but two trees in the back yard today officially and indisputably making me a burly lumberjack.
I know it may be hard to comprehend that one man has such manly powers that he can bring two pillars of such awesome girth and size down to their knees like Michael Clarke Duncan in Pulp Fiction before getting corn-holed by some white trash inbred redneck, but rest assured it happened. I may have almost put an axe through my leg five or six times but in the end I triumphed in yet another deadly battle between man vs. nature proving once and for all that man has the bigger penis.
Tune in next time when I murder/maim yet another of gods beautiful creatures, I'm Ron Burgundy...go fuck yourself San Diego.